It Gets Better

When five teenagers commit suicide within a span of three weeks, all of them as a result of being bullied at school for being gay, we are looking at a crisis that demands an emergency response. There has been some debate over what this response should look like, particularly around the “It Gets Better” video project created by Dan Savage last month. “It Gets Better” is a YouTube channel dedicated to preventing gay teen suicide by offering encouraging messages from gay adults about how their lives will improve after high school. There has been immense popular response to the project, but there have been serious criticisms as well. Zoe Melisa wrote ten points under the title “Why I don’t like Dan Savage’s ‘It Gets Better’ project as a response to bullying” in her blog post that was republished by Queer Watch last week. Aside from pointing out that for many the message “It Gets Better” is just plain wrong, she condemns the project for encouraging people to wait for things to improve rather than take action themselves to make things better. She writes, “There is actually no path to change in this vision. Promoting the illusion that things just ‘get better,’ enables privileged folks to do nothing and just rely on the imaginary mechanics of the American Dream to fix the world.”  I agree with Melisa that simply saying “It Gets Better” is an inappropriate response to teen bullying – but I don’t think it’s a wholly inappropriate response to teen suicide.

This is where I think there is a disconnect:  Activists are generally inclined to prioritize solutions to the external (social) causes of gay teen suicide, such as the atmosphere of bigotry promoted by anti-gay legislation that creates the context for teenage bullying. Others are more concerned with addressing the internal (psychological) causes, namely depression. Of course, social and psychological factors can’t be completely isolated from each other. Social conditions have a profound impact on the way a person thinks and feels, and our emotions directly affect our perceptions of a social environment. While technically I agree with the tactical assessment that words of reassurance are no replacement for a strong fightback against the external causes of homophobia, bullying, and depression among LGBT youth, it still saddens me that people who are committed to that fight would harshly dismiss a project that aims to attack the problem from another angle, with intensely personal compassion and solidarity. I see no reason for these two strategies to be counterposed to one another. In such an extreme crisis, I am not convinced that the danger of gay teens failing to become political activists and just surviving high school is such a terrible threat. I also don’t believe that “It Gets Better” will convince people who might have become active to simply wait instead. On the contrary, I think there is some evidence that people who see the videos become more aware of just how widespread homophobia really is and how deeply it affects real people’s lives, and that this understanding inspires many of them to do more. Certainly there has been an increase in activism lately after a relative lull around gay marriage and opposing DADT – for example, over 300 people participated in the “Homophobia Kills” die-in staged at Grand Central Station in New York City on October 10th and a few thousand turned out to protest a Mormon church leader’s homophobic remarks in Salt Lake City on October 7th.

Among those of us socialists who have been involved in the struggle for gay rights, it almost goes without saying that “It Gets Better” is not enough on its own, and that a real change in people’s living conditions, which are shaped by laws and social norms, is necessary to end bigoted bullying and to prevent gay teen suicide. It’s not that this isn’t true – I believe wholeheartedly that it is. But it is also very telling that radicals will often refer to these gay teen suicides as “murder” rather than suicide. Yes, calling it murder is a political statement meant to expose the fault of those who help perpetuate a culture of homophobia that endangers the lives of LGBT people, which is important — but it also ensures that the conversation we are having is not about suicide or depression. Most of us are not prepared to discuss suicide because it is a very complex and emotional issue, and mental illness is a subject that is completely silenced in our society. In fact, homosexuality was very effectively repressed and silenced from the late 19th century until 1973 precisely by categorizing it as a mental illness! It is deeply ingrained in us that emotional problems are completely unique to each individual, and are meant for every individual to bear alone, or perhaps with some private help from a professional. A collective approach to matters of mental health is almost unimaginable – but I think there was a hint of something like that in the “It Gets Better” project.

The hard truth is that whether we are fighting an oppressive social system or struggling with an oppressive psychological problem, it is going to take a lot of hard work for things to get any better – but a diet of hard truths and tireless struggle must be supplemented with gentle compassion and hope. Political victories are absolutely essential, but no less necessary for our survival is something as simple as an occasional hand on our shoulder and someone saying, “I know just how you feel.” “It Gets Better” found a way to collectivize this personal gesture, and without mistaking it for a political program, I’d like to say that I’m grateful for it.

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